I’ve had one or two ladies ask me few months after putting to bed out of wedlock the ideal time to start dating again.
Some of them assume I should be able to give them a perfect answer because I have a child outside wedlock myself but truth is these things work differently for everyone, what works for me may not work for you but I’ll give a few tips or guidelines you can use in knowing when you’re ready to give love a chance once again.
1. Are you out of depression yet?
The stigma our society attach to having a child out of wedlock can drive you into depression and if you’re not as fortunate as some of us who had a very good support system chances are that you’ll sink into depression. So be sure you’re over that phase before you think of dating.
2. Have you forgiven yourself?
Have you stop beating yourself so hard for dating an irresponsible man? Have you forgiven yourself for getting pregnant? If the answers to these questions are No then sort these aspects out first before you think of dating.
3. Have you forgiven the father of your child?
This is a very tough one and a very hard one to do but it’s necessary to do it because you can’t raise your child in love with all the bitters you have in your heart for his/her father.
Don’t wait for him to ask for forgiveness because he just might not but it’s something you should do for yourself and your child.
4. How well have you worked on improving your self-esteem?
Because of the stigma and myths attached to single parenting, it’s possible to lose your self-esteem. You’ll start seeing yourself as not good enough but it’s up to you to snap out of it. Yes, you’ll get a lot of demeaning comments from people.
Some will look at you and conclude you’re promiscuous just because you have a child out of wedlock. Getting back on your feet is still up to you.
If your self-esteem is low as a single woman with a child, some irresponsible men will use it to their advantage and further damage your self-esteem and if you’re not careful you may end up hating men.
5. Are you financial independent?
Be sure you’re not dating because you want another man to take financial responsibility for your child, be financially stable/independent to an extent before dating another man.
6. How stable are your emotions?
Are you sure you’ll be able to move on in case your next relationship doesn’t work out?
7. Are you happy?
Be sure you’re not trying to date because you’re unhappy or lonely and you think the only way out of this is dating or being in the arms of another man
The above are just basic questions that can serve as a guide to getting back into the dating game after having a child outside wedlock. It may take few months for some and take few years for otters. The most important thing is you being yourself, do you and be proud of it.
Remember, never ever lie about your child. A man who genuinely loves you will stick with you, child or no child.
While waiting for the right man to date, take care of yourself and the child; acquire skills; improve on the skills you have; make something beautiful out of these skills and don’t let society pressure you into dating if you’re not ready for it.